I dreaded having to write this blog because I knew it would make me cry. I have been feeling very sick to my stomach and tired the past 2 days. I threw up my morning pills yesterday because I took them on an empty stomach. I take the anti-nausea drugs, and they do help in genereal, as long as I am lying down. Life here at home keeps going around in a circus with me in the middle of it, watching from my sofa. Yesterday, my mom left to take care of my brother's children for the weekend. Then, David took Brenton and his mom to the Tabernacle Choir concert last night. I stayed home with the younger two.
Today, my brother Dave was so kind to invite my kids over all afternoon and feed them pizza and play video games. My husband had some work to do on his computer, so I took a nap at noon and woke up 3 hours later. We got the kids back tonight and we watched a Hallmark movie called "Front of the Class" where a man with Touretts syndrome wants to become a teacher.
I haven't heard back from Elder Pearson about his schedule, but the stake presidency also wants to come and visit our family before church. The children are all excited to meet a member of the Seventy, if he is able to come tomorrow.
There are times like this week when I feel utterly helpless, except to ask the Lord for comfort. I acknowlede that his will will be done in every situation, so I don't pray to be relieved of my burdens, only that I might be able to bear them. With this philosophy in mind, I have been wondering:If I want to give my life up to the Lord, what is the purpose in praying for a miracle, and then be dissappointed when it doesn't happen? Basically, who am I to petition the lord for a situation when he already knows what the outcome will be? Isn't asking for a miracle the opposite of giving your will to the Lord?
I'll be asking some of those questions tomorrow and I'll let you know what happens.
Emilee
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8 comments:
Those are some good questions. It had Ryan and I thinking last night and I wish I had an answer. I suppose this is where finding and clinging to other things to supplement miracles can become the focus of attention. I think about you constantly. I can't wait to be there tomorrow and see you and the boys and your hosue all decorated. I'll call you later tonight. -Jennie
Dearest Emilee,
Thanks for writing faithfully in your blog. You asked about praying for miracles and obeying the Lord's will.
These past years every day I prayed fervently for a miracle for you until I realized that for absolutely every one of us each day of life is truly a miracle just in itself - even if it is a painfilled and unpleasant day. Life itself is such a phenomenal miracle that we sometimes don't even realize it. If you wake up tomorrow on this earth and still find your loved ones around you, you have witnessed yet another miracle! Just being able to communicate through the marvel of the internet is a miracle of incredible dimension! Miracles without number surround us if we only stop to think about them.
My darling sweet angelic daughter, my heart aches and aches for you, but I still know that you have experienced miracles by the millions compared with so many others. Yesterday here in California there was a commemoration of those from California who died during the Viet Nam war - over 5,800 from California alone. Most of them were half your age who never had the many bright and wonderful experiences that you have enjoyed.
Sure our Heavenly Father knows what will happen to our lives but he doesn't know how we will react to those happenings - i.e. we still have our free will to let our sufferings win out over us or to endure valiantly whatever may come.
During my years as bishop, I learned from our dear Sister Billy Littleton what it meant to endure valiantly to the end. She was beset with so many illnesses that I often questioned how in the world she could ever survive. Since she was somewhat unknown in our Ward, few people visited her in the hospital where she was stuck in a body cast for several months. I tried to visit her as much as I could. Compounding her woes, she not only suffered from painful physical ailments, she also suffered financially from her own children. They tried to cheat her out of everything she owned while she was confined in the hospital including emptying out her entire bank account and trying to sell her house without her consent or knowledge. I had to help her to get her accounts straightened out and to get the authorities to take legal action against her kids.
During one hospital visit, I asked her how she endured it all. She inspired me by pointing out that absolutely nothing lasts forever and that enduring to the end just means to endure to the end of whatever condition prevails at the moment. Her recovery was unbelievably miraculous. She eventually moved out of the ward, got back to working part time and lived out her days with the same courageous determination that taught everyone how faith in the Lord Jesus Christ truly can answer all of life's challenges.
Hopefully you will lift up your head and rejoice in all of the MIRACLES that Heavenly Father sends your way. To us you have been one of the very best miracles that anyone could ever experience. I remember the first time I held you in my arms. Wow! That tiny little person was SO-O-O absolutely perfect - a marvelous miracle! And you are now even a greater more wonderful miracle!
I LOVE YOU - ALWAYS!
Dan
OOps.
I see that my finger slipped and I typed "Dan" and not "DAD" to sign off in my last comment above.
Hey, a little humor is good, right?
They say that it is easy to have a slip of the tongue because the tongue is in a wet place - but I have no excuse for the finger slip.
Sorry.
LOVE always from DAD!
Dear Emilee, I saw your Dad today at Church (Brookside Ward) He sure does Love You Very Much-it is plain to see! I noticed his little bit of Humor-about Dan. So here is my little bit of humor: I went into a McDonald's Restaurant yesterday and said,"I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" Jay Leno
I Hope You're Feeling better today Emilee! You are Loved Very Much!!! Have a Nice Day!
With Love, Bill Black
Emilee--
This has been a hard last few days with the chemo. I can tell when I call and see you that it is a true battle you are waging. When I came Friday evening -- even at the last second I was hoping you could join me, David and Brenton to go to the concert. It was very loving for you to insist that David attend (I know it really uplifted him to hear the Tabernacle Choir). Len did the same to me -- wanted me to support you and David -- as he has just ended 3 weeks of pneumonia and knew I had been home caring for him a good part of the time. We three were rather wistful missing you both.
I am so thankful that you will have the Stake Presidency and a General Authority visit you today. Many of the Lord's "earthly angels" attend you and I always have a prayer in my heart for you. I'll call tonight.
Love,
Elaine
I know everyone's situation is different, but when Robert died as he did, I thought in a way it was Heavenly Father's way of letting me know that this was what was suppose to happen. We didn't have a chance for priesthood blessings, prayer rolls in the temple, fervent prayers on everyone's behalf. In a way it was comforting because I'm not sure if I would have done as well asking for all of the powers from heaven to bless him and then him dying as I did with him suddenly being taken. Actually, all of the powers of heaven did bless us and comfort us. But I've always thought of your question: when do miracles happen and when is it the Lord's will? All I know is that the Lord is very aware of you as are all of us. Linda
Emilee, my name is Alex Cabezas. I just move with my family to Brookside Ward in Stockotn,were I met your father. He gave me a set of instructions to get in contact with you.
Although we don't know each other, we have in common one of the most valuable treasures that we can get in this world, the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge of his sacrifice for us. His love and care for us is something that we may not fully understand, but I know that He is always near to help us in every step. I belive this since I was in Primary and the older I get the more I realize is true.
Receive our love from every member of our family, Ailyn (16), Fabian (11), Gabriela (9), Alex & Claudia. Your name will be in our family prayers.
The Cabezas Family.
Dear Emilee,
I love this poem from President Hinckley. My Mom shared it with me when I was going through a hard time. I have since found out that some of my best friends have it on their refrigerators as well and read it daily. It gives me comfort when I read it. I hope it will do the same for you.
Put Your Trust in God
It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is.
It all works out. Don't worry.
I say that to myself every morning.
It will all work out.
Put your trust in God,
and move forward with faith
and confidence in the future.
The Lord will not forsake us.
He will not forsake us.
If we will put our trust in Him,
if we will pray to Him,
if we will live worthy of His blessings,
He will hear our prayers.
I pray for you always and love you.
Chrissie
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