Lately my posts have become rather repetitive. I get up in the morning, take some pills, eat a few crackers then take some more pills. I did the same snack routine a couple of time and hadn't even come downstairs yet when Jennie arrived. It was nice to have her there to supervise the kids and bring Nathan home. I missed the little guy! Jennie also taught me how to add more photos to this blog, so you will notice that I chose last month's family photos for the header. The only thing I couldn't do was add a title and description onto that photo, so it has to go on the right sidebar.
I'm still taking the oral Xeloda and even though my pain is pretty under control, I am thinking that my nausea is probably from this tablet that I take once in the morning and once in the evening. Today I felt like a princess giving orders from her throne. I have a bell on my nightstand and rang it when I needed the boys to bring me something, or when I had a question for Jennie, etc.
Jennie brought me a smoothie from Jamba Juice and it was the most-enjoyed food item that I've had in the past few weeks. Not only did it taste good, but the coolness soothed my tender mouth and throat. It even had soy protein so I felt like it was nutricious. I'm going to teach my boys how to make some fruit smoothies with some fruit that we already have in our freezer. So, next time you stop by Jamba, bring along a mango smoothie and if at Sonic, I have always liked the sunshine smoothie.
I never dreamed that I could turn down so much chocolate in one day. I've had several people bring me my most favorite chocolates and I can barely get a few bitefuls of one down each day. With all of my food complaints, you would think my body would be thin by now, but I guess I'll always be chubby, that's the way it has to be.
Emilee
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday October 19th
Today was another family reunion Sunday, as my parents, two nieces, my Aunt and my brother came to visit. I was able to sit up and visit with them for part of the time, then I had to go back upstairs and lie down. Even though my nausea is under control if I lie down and rest, I feel sick to my stomach when I get up and move around and try to do anything. I got up this morning and put on a dress, hoping I would feel well enough to attend church, but I didn't. My stomach hurts if it is empty, but I have a hard time eating food with the sores in my mouth. Nothing seems very appetizing to me.
Since I only eat a small amount of food, I am trying to at least drink some more nutrition, through my daily supplement (Reliv, with some wheat/barley powder) and some spinach/carrot juice. I also have been taking the supplements that Melissa Ellis ordered for me, I drink another health drink called ASEA, and off and on I have some essiac tea. Applesauce, yogurt and mashed potatoes all work fine. Anything else (even the chocolate) has to be in small bites, washed down with plenty of liquid.
I was grateful that my parents took my two oldest boys to the Herriman Days festival and fishing with my brother Daniel's family. It was pretty amazing to have a quiet evening with my husband. My parents have to return to CA tomorrow. I will miss them, but they will be back here in another three weeks, probably.
Since I only eat a small amount of food, I am trying to at least drink some more nutrition, through my daily supplement (Reliv, with some wheat/barley powder) and some spinach/carrot juice. I also have been taking the supplements that Melissa Ellis ordered for me, I drink another health drink called ASEA, and off and on I have some essiac tea. Applesauce, yogurt and mashed potatoes all work fine. Anything else (even the chocolate) has to be in small bites, washed down with plenty of liquid.
I was grateful that my parents took my two oldest boys to the Herriman Days festival and fishing with my brother Daniel's family. It was pretty amazing to have a quiet evening with my husband. My parents have to return to CA tomorrow. I will miss them, but they will be back here in another three weeks, probably.
Meanwhile, I am just waiting and hoping that I will feel better. The boys are learning how to do more for themselves. Today they made waffles from scratch and I even had a few bites for breakfast. The kids have one more day of vacation from school tomorrow. Maybe they'll have time to master more cooking skills. What would you recommend for kids' recipes?
Emilee
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Saturday October 18th
My parents made it to Utah last night. They stopped by here to get the most recent news. I'm sure they went to bed easily. Jonny invited a friend over to sleep in the trailer. Now I can ask him to help me clean it and he can't complain because he used it !
Today, woke up in pain again, but was able to get it undercontrol. Having nausea from the moment I wake up is also frustrating. The pain patches are making me somewhat dizzy, but I know I can call someone if I need help. Nathan went to Jennie's house on Wed. but Jennie called to see if he would like to stay and we got an excited "yes" from Nathan.
David worked throughout the day on organizing some of his storage boxes. We had a couple of visitors and I received some European chocolate! Even though my mouth is still sore, I had a Linz truffle and enjoyed every bite. I don't feel up to writing any more tonight. I hope I can attend Sac. Mtg. tomorrow. The patch I use is making the pain less, but I also feel forgetful, so don't get offended if I don't print your name in every new post of this blog.
Emilee
Today, woke up in pain again, but was able to get it undercontrol. Having nausea from the moment I wake up is also frustrating. The pain patches are making me somewhat dizzy, but I know I can call someone if I need help. Nathan went to Jennie's house on Wed. but Jennie called to see if he would like to stay and we got an excited "yes" from Nathan.
David worked throughout the day on organizing some of his storage boxes. We had a couple of visitors and I received some European chocolate! Even though my mouth is still sore, I had a Linz truffle and enjoyed every bite. I don't feel up to writing any more tonight. I hope I can attend Sac. Mtg. tomorrow. The patch I use is making the pain less, but I also feel forgetful, so don't get offended if I don't print your name in every new post of this blog.
Emilee
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday October 17th
I felt sick again today, but I am learning more about how to manage my pain and anti-nausea medications. I dozed off several in the day. This morning my parents came to greet me and stay all day to help me. At the same time, Ashley, the photographer, took some candid photos as my mom was showing me the gifts she brought with her: photos and drawings from my neices Lola and Ella, European chocolate (The best she could find in the grocery store!) and some books to read. Jennie came by to pick up more clothes for Nathan, so he can stay at her house the rest of the weekend. I'm glad because he always seems very happy with the Kilstroms.
During this course of chemotherapy, I have a goal to take the oral medication for the entire 2 weeks, then have a week off and it will be a total of 3 weeks for treatment and the Dr. can order a PET scan to mark my progress (if any.) The biggest challenge in meeting this goal comes from being able to take the chemo pill and keep it down. Also, to endure the side effects even if they get terrible. Tonight I went with my parents to theirs and Dave's house in Orem. Brenton and Jonny each had a friend over and Jonny wants to sleep in the trailer. Anyhow, David stayed home and made dinner for the boys and watched over them. The drive to my parents' house was fine, but as soon as I got inside, I knew I needed to throw up. Fortunately, I felt better after a while and could eat a little dinner, then we all watched a movie, Letters from Iwo Jima.
My magic mouthwash seems to help the pain and soreness in my mouth. I took a nap in the afternoon and so I am getting plenty of rest. Bye for now,
Emilee
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thursday October 16th
Well, if you guessed that I was sick yesterday, you were right! Elaine brought me to the office in Salt Lake, where I met with the physician's assistant at 10 am and then began my treatment around 11am. Since one of the premedications is Benadryl I was able to doze a little bit, which made the treatment (4 hours) seem shorter.
I was already feeling nauseated on the way home from Salt Lake. Elaine and I stopped at the pharmacy to get me some larger pain patches and a magic mouthwash (yes, it does say this on the prescription bottle) which has some lidocaine in it and is supposed to help with the sores in my mouth. I am always amazed at how many medications exist now to combat the side effects of chemotherapy. In the evening, I took my first dose of the oral chemo drug called Xeloda. It came with a pill container to help me remember if I have taken each dose, one in the morning, one in the evening. I have been having episodes of "chemo brain" where I have difficulty remembering things and I feel somewhat scatter brained. This is a legitimate side effect! Greg came over with a pizza and played Risk with Brenton and Jonny. Jenny came to pick up Nathan. I went to bed early. It was nice to know, however, that my children were happy and entertained!
At 5:30 this morning, I woke David up and told him I needed more pain medicine. He gladly brought me some pills and another small patch. I was having so much pain in my abdomen that it hurt if I even moved or rolled over. I woke up at 8 am and was able to get up and use the bathroom without too much pain. I haven't been downstairs yet today and it is almost noon. I've been watching a movie called "In Her Shoes." Brenton brought me a little bell to ring if I need anything. Since I was feeling nauseated again, Brenton brought me up a can of lemon lime soda and a granola bar. If I feel this bad tomorrow, I am glad that my mom is on her way and can take care of me and cheer me up.
I'm a little bummed out because this is the big weekend in the fall where the children are out of school for 3 days, with a weekend in between. (Thurs- Mon.) Usually it is the ideal time to take our trailer out somewhere since the weather hasn't turned too cold yet. We've had snow or frost on the lawn several mornings, but it has always melted away for the afternoon. Instead, I'm suspecting that I'll just be stuck at home feeling sick.
I need some advice from any of you who live close by. When storing our trailer for the winter, we want to take down the front fence on the left side of our house. Then, we want to put gravel down on that spot next to the house. After we back the trailer up the lawn to that spot, we want to hang a double sized gate and put the rest of the fence up, theoretically so that we can open the gate and get the trailer out next spring. I prefer having the trailer right up next to the house, but David thinks it will be better to park next to our driveway and extend the fence around it. That might save the cost of getting the double size gate. I would rather put the trailer in the backyard, on the side that we don't use for anything right now. Since I don't know much about fences, I'm up to hearing any of your ideas.
Emilee
I was already feeling nauseated on the way home from Salt Lake. Elaine and I stopped at the pharmacy to get me some larger pain patches and a magic mouthwash (yes, it does say this on the prescription bottle) which has some lidocaine in it and is supposed to help with the sores in my mouth. I am always amazed at how many medications exist now to combat the side effects of chemotherapy. In the evening, I took my first dose of the oral chemo drug called Xeloda. It came with a pill container to help me remember if I have taken each dose, one in the morning, one in the evening. I have been having episodes of "chemo brain" where I have difficulty remembering things and I feel somewhat scatter brained. This is a legitimate side effect! Greg came over with a pizza and played Risk with Brenton and Jonny. Jenny came to pick up Nathan. I went to bed early. It was nice to know, however, that my children were happy and entertained!
At 5:30 this morning, I woke David up and told him I needed more pain medicine. He gladly brought me some pills and another small patch. I was having so much pain in my abdomen that it hurt if I even moved or rolled over. I woke up at 8 am and was able to get up and use the bathroom without too much pain. I haven't been downstairs yet today and it is almost noon. I've been watching a movie called "In Her Shoes." Brenton brought me a little bell to ring if I need anything. Since I was feeling nauseated again, Brenton brought me up a can of lemon lime soda and a granola bar. If I feel this bad tomorrow, I am glad that my mom is on her way and can take care of me and cheer me up.
I'm a little bummed out because this is the big weekend in the fall where the children are out of school for 3 days, with a weekend in between. (Thurs- Mon.) Usually it is the ideal time to take our trailer out somewhere since the weather hasn't turned too cold yet. We've had snow or frost on the lawn several mornings, but it has always melted away for the afternoon. Instead, I'm suspecting that I'll just be stuck at home feeling sick.
I need some advice from any of you who live close by. When storing our trailer for the winter, we want to take down the front fence on the left side of our house. Then, we want to put gravel down on that spot next to the house. After we back the trailer up the lawn to that spot, we want to hang a double sized gate and put the rest of the fence up, theoretically so that we can open the gate and get the trailer out next spring. I prefer having the trailer right up next to the house, but David thinks it will be better to park next to our driveway and extend the fence around it. That might save the cost of getting the double size gate. I would rather put the trailer in the backyard, on the side that we don't use for anything right now. Since I don't know much about fences, I'm up to hearing any of your ideas.
Emilee
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tuesday October 14th
David and I had early appointments with the dentist this morning. It was our first time in over a year, since we didn't have any money for exams, etc. I'm glad that David woke up at 6:45 and brought me 2 pain pills, or I don't think I would have been able to go anywhere at 8:30. Just the fact that I was up and about and dressed and ready was amazing, considering how much I've stayed at home lately. When David started work for Security National, he became eligible for dental benefits. They cover exams and also up to 80% on fillings. So, when Dr. Lohner said David needed 2 fillings, we weren't worried. Then, once he drilled into the tooth, some blood came up and the dentist said he needed a root canal instead. Not only that, but the dentist thinks the tooth is still at risk for a chip or a crack, so he recommended getting a crown as well. To make matters worse, the waiting period for our dental insurance is 12 months before they will cover a large procedure, so we will need to pay it out of pocket. Today we only had to pay for the root canal, so I put it on the credit card. The crown will cost about $1000. We'll probably have to borrow money for that, too. I know there are places where we can get them cheaper, but I don't know if the quality will be the same.
So, just as we are discussing David's teeth and what to do, the Dentist looks at my xrays and found that I have an abcess in the gum right above my right front tooth (I have an old crown from 15 years ago and our best guess is that the metal on the crown kept irritating the gum above it and it couldn't ever heal because I kept having treatments.) The abcess doesn't hurt but it has slowly been draining fluid during this last year. The dentist recommended a root canal and a crown for my tooth. Yikes! Both David and I need the same things and they aren't covered on our plan. Right now I am going to wait and see how things go with my new treatments. I don't have immediate pain and I figure if I have lived this long with the abcess, I can stand to wait a little longer, if I need to.
It was David's suggestion to put my request about grocery shopping in my blog yesterday. Sure enough, but the end of the morning, I had several offers. My visiting teachers came to visit, then Debbie Burraston came over and got my shopping list and my credit card. Then, I called Sister Jolley, the Relief Society President to see if she could help me plant some pansies I bought last week. She brought a loaf of bread with her and shortly afterward, my next door neighbor, Christy, brought some potato-corn chowder for our dinner. I think it is like a miracle when people show up and bring us things, often at the ideal time, since I didn't have anything planned for dinner besides leftovers. Debbie came back from the store and stayed to help me put away groceries and we ate some sandwiches she had brought for lunch. I am really appreciating all the people who are serving me as well as our family.
I've still felt a little sick on and off through the day, so I have to be on top of my medication, but in general I am doing better than I was over the weekend. Just in time to begin my next round of chemotherapy tomorrow. Elaine will drive me up to Salt Lake. I've got a friend for Nathan to play with when he gets home from school. I'll try to set up some similar circumstances for Brenton and Jonny. I am always a bit nervous when they are coming home to an empty house. I'm not worried about crime, but mostly that they could get into trouble with any friends that come by or tv shows that aren't acceptable, and those sorts of things. Brenton has several times left home to go down to the creek and meet some friends without telling me. I don't want that happening while I'm gone. If I'm lucky, I might make it home by 3:30 at the very earliest.
If I don't write tomorrow night, I might be feeling sick or tired from my treatment. Sometimes I like to take my anti-nausea drugs and go to bed early when I'm not feeling well. When my parents come in a couple of days, they could even type my blog for me while I tell them what to say. So long for now!
Emilee
So, just as we are discussing David's teeth and what to do, the Dentist looks at my xrays and found that I have an abcess in the gum right above my right front tooth (I have an old crown from 15 years ago and our best guess is that the metal on the crown kept irritating the gum above it and it couldn't ever heal because I kept having treatments.) The abcess doesn't hurt but it has slowly been draining fluid during this last year. The dentist recommended a root canal and a crown for my tooth. Yikes! Both David and I need the same things and they aren't covered on our plan. Right now I am going to wait and see how things go with my new treatments. I don't have immediate pain and I figure if I have lived this long with the abcess, I can stand to wait a little longer, if I need to.
It was David's suggestion to put my request about grocery shopping in my blog yesterday. Sure enough, but the end of the morning, I had several offers. My visiting teachers came to visit, then Debbie Burraston came over and got my shopping list and my credit card. Then, I called Sister Jolley, the Relief Society President to see if she could help me plant some pansies I bought last week. She brought a loaf of bread with her and shortly afterward, my next door neighbor, Christy, brought some potato-corn chowder for our dinner. I think it is like a miracle when people show up and bring us things, often at the ideal time, since I didn't have anything planned for dinner besides leftovers. Debbie came back from the store and stayed to help me put away groceries and we ate some sandwiches she had brought for lunch. I am really appreciating all the people who are serving me as well as our family.
I've still felt a little sick on and off through the day, so I have to be on top of my medication, but in general I am doing better than I was over the weekend. Just in time to begin my next round of chemotherapy tomorrow. Elaine will drive me up to Salt Lake. I've got a friend for Nathan to play with when he gets home from school. I'll try to set up some similar circumstances for Brenton and Jonny. I am always a bit nervous when they are coming home to an empty house. I'm not worried about crime, but mostly that they could get into trouble with any friends that come by or tv shows that aren't acceptable, and those sorts of things. Brenton has several times left home to go down to the creek and meet some friends without telling me. I don't want that happening while I'm gone. If I'm lucky, I might make it home by 3:30 at the very earliest.
If I don't write tomorrow night, I might be feeling sick or tired from my treatment. Sometimes I like to take my anti-nausea drugs and go to bed early when I'm not feeling well. When my parents come in a couple of days, they could even type my blog for me while I tell them what to say. So long for now!
Emilee
Monday, October 13, 2008
Monday October 13th
I was sick again today. I woke up in a lot of pain and was surprised that the patches (yes, now I use two) weren't working to control my pain. I also had a lot of nausea today. Despite those challenges, my throat and mouth have been feeling better. Perhaps is it because I am more careful to eat foods that don't irritate as much. I rested almost all day and all evening. David came home in the afternoon, as he said he had a feeling I might need more help today. He finished up his work by using his home office this afternoon.
Even though I didn't feel well, some good things still happened today. All three boys rode their bikes to and from school and were willing to do their homework and chores after that. Jonny helped me make some homemade ice cream and Brenton cooked dinner for the family. The family is really rising to the occasion when I can't do as much for them. The reporter from the Daily Herald called and did phone interviews with David and Brenton today. I found out that my feature article will be published on Sun. Oct. 26. Even though we don't get this newspaper (local for Utah County) I think everything will be available online.
During family home evening tonight, I had a frank discussion with the children. I pointed out several people we know who had been really sick with cancer, even sicker than I am, and they had a miracle and got better. I also talked to them about the family in our ward that lost their mother and also my grandpa Baer who lost his mother. We read the scripture D&C 42:48 and discussed the fact that we can accomplish much with our faith and prayers, but in the end it is God's will we must accept.
For our activity, we watched "Little People, Big World" which is a family oriented reality show on TLC. I like watching programs that are inspiring and realistic. Tonight I realized that every one of my 4 brothers has written or called me this week. I am grateful for their love and support. In fact, I would recommend that all of you reading this go back to my previous entries and read some of the comments people have written. I have to say that I think the comments are much more interesting and inspiring than my daily descriptions of my deteriorating health!
Anyone nearby who would like to go shopping for me tomorrow, please call me after 9 am. I have been too sick to go to the store. Also, I'm having a dentist appointment at 8:30 am and he will probably prescribe a special mouthwash that he gave me last time, so I'll need to go to a pharmacy as well. I'm looking forward to taking Melissa and Benjamin up on their offers, so be careful what you offer, because I just might accept!
Emilee
Even though I didn't feel well, some good things still happened today. All three boys rode their bikes to and from school and were willing to do their homework and chores after that. Jonny helped me make some homemade ice cream and Brenton cooked dinner for the family. The family is really rising to the occasion when I can't do as much for them. The reporter from the Daily Herald called and did phone interviews with David and Brenton today. I found out that my feature article will be published on Sun. Oct. 26. Even though we don't get this newspaper (local for Utah County) I think everything will be available online.
During family home evening tonight, I had a frank discussion with the children. I pointed out several people we know who had been really sick with cancer, even sicker than I am, and they had a miracle and got better. I also talked to them about the family in our ward that lost their mother and also my grandpa Baer who lost his mother. We read the scripture D&C 42:48 and discussed the fact that we can accomplish much with our faith and prayers, but in the end it is God's will we must accept.
For our activity, we watched "Little People, Big World" which is a family oriented reality show on TLC. I like watching programs that are inspiring and realistic. Tonight I realized that every one of my 4 brothers has written or called me this week. I am grateful for their love and support. In fact, I would recommend that all of you reading this go back to my previous entries and read some of the comments people have written. I have to say that I think the comments are much more interesting and inspiring than my daily descriptions of my deteriorating health!
Anyone nearby who would like to go shopping for me tomorrow, please call me after 9 am. I have been too sick to go to the store. Also, I'm having a dentist appointment at 8:30 am and he will probably prescribe a special mouthwash that he gave me last time, so I'll need to go to a pharmacy as well. I'm looking forward to taking Melissa and Benjamin up on their offers, so be careful what you offer, because I just might accept!
Emilee
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