Sunday October 26th

Our family was excited this morning to see our article on the front page of our local Utah County paper. Nathan, especially, was thrilled that his photo was also on the front, and again several pages back. Here is the link to Daily Herald article: http://www.heraldextra.com/breastcancer/
There are several links on the website that connect to a letter and a recording that I made. We expect another smaller article each day for the next couple of days, as the paper continues to cover this topic.

I felt very grateful to be able to attend sacrament meeting this afternoon. I have been feeling tired, probably because of the low red blood cell count. Fortunately I rested right before church and my stomach didn't hurt, so I got to attend. It felt good to get out, if only for an hour and a half.

It is fun to see how excited the children are for Halloween. Tonight we talked about their ideas for costumes and for the activities Friday night. We also played a family game and ate ice cream, just like the photo in the newspaper. The kids ran around with the dog in the back yard for a while. David got out his big ladder and was able to retrieve over ten different balls and dog toys that have been stuck on the roof for the past year.

I'm expecting a better week, since my "week off" from treatment begins on Wednesday!
Emilee

Saturday October 25th

Halloween is at hand! Today was a relaxing family day, which we ended by carving a jack-o-lantern and David sleeping in the trailer (in our front yard) with Nathan. In between, I managed to get up and around. David's uncle and his family came for a visit. My brother Dave took Nathan for a bike ride. I played a game with David and Jonny. I put together a couple of leftovers to make a stew for dinner.

As my nausea and mouth sores improve, I have noticed a few new side effects: my red blood count is low, so my face and lips look a bit pale. This makes me short of breath whenever I stand up and move around a lot. Also, my hands and feet are getting a bit sore, a side effect of the chemo which damages the tiny nerve endings in hands and feet. But overall, I can't complain, as I felt better today than I have been in a week and a half.

I'm looking forward to reading my article in the Daily Herald tomorrow. If anyone nearby has a copy, could you drop it off on our porch? Ashley said she would bring me by some more copies and some photos on Monday. I am going to try hard to attend at least part of Sacrament meeting tomorrow. I've missed going to church.
Emilee

Friday October 24th

Today I was really touched by the comments, specifically the song and the scripture, from Laurie and Becky. Sometimes I wonder why we have to suffer such trials, but often I believe that we learn compassion for others, empathy, humility, faith and many other good qualities that help prepare us to live with God again. I certainly don't feel like an inspiration to anybody, as we are all doing our best to deal with the challenges we have in life. I do feel much gratitude:

Today I am grateful that my body continues to improve, and my nausea and pain and swelling decrease. I am grateful that my children are playing at their friends' houses. I am grateful that my husband's job is bringing in some income, enough to meet our basic needs. I am grateful for the beautiful weather, even if I have to enjoy it from my window. I am grateful for many more things, and I could go on, but that list is enough for today.
Emilee

Thursday October 23rd

Today I noticed an improvement in several areas. My nausea and pain has been getting better. Also, the swelling around my liver is going down. Elaine took me to the pain doctor this morning. My thinking has become less clear and sometimes my mind is fuzzy. I had a hard time explaining to the Dr. about my medications and I was glad that Elaine was there to take notes for me. As a result, I am going to try to lower my dose, as I need all of my thinking capacity to speak and make decisions!

After picking up my prescriptions, Elaine brought me home and the photographer from the Daily Herald came over. She wanted to record my voice telling my story and my experiences. She said that the newspaper article will have a link to the internet, where people can click and listen to several breast cancer patients. I am glad Ashley told me that my words could be edited, so I didn't worry as much about making a mistake or having a pause, etc.

When the kids got home, I was able to greet them and talk to them before I went up and took a nap. I have been using a little of my magic mouthwash before eating, so that the food doesn't make my mouth sore. Due to the meals that were brought this week as well as groceries, our refrigerator is full! Also, my chocolate is in good supply. Jennie suggested I start making a "wish list" so I can update it as well as tell which wishes have been "fulfilled." Many of my small requests have been granted. Today, the only thing I might like is some more movies that I can watch when I am up in my room. We have a digital cable box, but it is down in the family room, so I just get the cable in our bedroom. After enjoying the dvr feature on our cable box, I almost hate to watch live tv anymore and have to wait through the commercials!

Thank you to Jennie for the cute photos of Nathan and Trent. Nathan commented that Trent lost his tooth over the weekend. Also Nathan said that the pumpkin in his photo was too heavy, so he actually chose a lighter one to take home and keep. Can you believe that Halloween is only a week away? Wow!
Emilee

Nathan at the Pumpkin Patch

Nathan went with his cousin Trent to the Pumpkin Patch over UEA weekend. Jennie took over the blog for a minute to post the picture and surpise Emilee. Hope she doesn't mind!

Wednesday October 22nd

I've been feeling emotional today, though I'm not so sure why it is today and not any other day. It is hard to feel encapsulated in my house, so out of touch with the real world. I was able to get out for a short bit this afternoon. Elaine drove me to lab to get my blood tested. Basically the counts were a little down, as expected, but nothing to worry about. Elaine then took my 3 boys down to the dentist for exams. I was happy to hear that none of them had cavities and so it was just a routine checkup.

David has been feeling sick lately. He went to a Dr. on Monday and got some prescriptions. The Dr. told him that if he wasn't better in 2 days, he should take the antibiotic, so David is doing that. Sometimes having him work from home brings me more stress, even though he is there to help the boys or do something for me, should I need it. He tells me that sometimes home is better because the office is distracting. David has an appointment tonight, and he tells me that even though rates went up for a week, they are back down again so he can do some refinances for people.

Despite my worries and fears, I am grateful for the gospel of Christ which helps me have faith and hope. When I am sad or feeling sick, I can pray for comfort. Sometimes my prayers are answered by people here on earth who bring me groceries, pick up my prescription, make dinners for my family and have my children over. Right now, what I need the most is for a friend or two to invite my children over after school or in the evening. I desperately want them to go somewhere and have fun and not have to worry about me all the time. I also want them to be well-supervised, so I can relax and know they are in good hands.
Emilee

Tuesday October 21st

I started out my day fairly hopeful, with my crackers and pills routine. I had a pretty good morning, then a worse afternoon. I felt so sick that I needed to lie down in my bed and not move or talk just in order to avoid throwing up (yes, I do have a container by my bed.) In some ways it was nice that the kids were at school and I got to rest or watch tv. The nausea, however, is tricky because when I am lying down, watching Lifetime movies from my dvr (and the dvd North and South, thanks Laurie!) I feel pretty well, so I get up and move my legs around, get some snacks, feed the dog, etc. The longer I stay up, the worse I feel and so it is back to bed, waiting for the anti-nausea drug to kick in.

It is hard not to get discouraged. I want to hope for a better life, but there are many things I miss doing that make me wonder if I will ever get to do them or enjoy them again. My whole world revolves around staying at home and going to visit doctors. I have one more week of the Xeloda to take (one tablet in the morning, one at night) and then I'll get a week off. Perhaps by then, my nausea will pass, but I feel that I have always been getting sicker and sicker and I don't know that anything else will be able to prevent the progression of my disease at this point.

It will be interesting to read about myself in the Daily Herald this Sunday. The are doing a series of articles about Breast Cancer and they will present my profile. I will be interested to know how the public will react to my situation as I'm including my blog address in the article. I like to read and it is fun to get comments from all of you, even some that I don't know as well as others. It is also a unique situation to be served by everyone, so much that I can barely care for my own needs, let alone those of my children. I have a friend doing my shopping tomorrow. My mother-in-law is taking the boys to the dentist in the afternoon. She is also taking me to another appointment on Thursday. The Relief Society is bringing us dinner and some freezer meals. I feel ok to stay home by myself. If I were to have bad pain, for example, I know now what pills to take or I Icould call a close by friend or neighbor. Much of the stress from our household is handled by David, who struggles between the role of father, husband and income provider. He has got the first two covered, but is struggling to build more job security and more income in this slow mortgage market. I wish he didn't have to work as long and that he had more time to share with me. Bye for now,
Emilee