I've been feeling sick all week, due to my treatments. My parents are helping with the children and keeping the house clean and food on the table. One symptom I'm havivng is severe edema, or retention of fluid, mostly in my abdomen but also in my lower legs and calves. My abdomen is so swollen it makes me short of breath and puts uncomfortable pressure on my stomach. I'll be going to the Dr. tomorrow to get my usual blood tests and also to ask him some questions. I really hope he'll find a way to reduce this terrible swelling.
Today I attended a cancer support group at my old clinic. I had a hard time expressing my feelings without crying. Once I started crying, I could hardly breathe because of the pressure on my lungs. Still, it was good to get my emotions out instead of holding them all in. I pray for faith and not fear, but the swelling problems have made me afraid for my life. I am just not sure whether I will recover if I have more complications.
Brenton is excited for his birthday tomorrow. He is going out to dinner with my brother Dave, two of Brenton's friends and Jonny. Brenton is hoping to use his birthday money to buy a "guitar hero" game for the Wii. Our gift is to give him a new Sunday suit, but we'll have to shop for that another time.
Tonight I was able to attend a Presidential Pageant at the kid's school, Lincoln Academy. Jonathan performed one number with the band and Brenton performed with the choir. It was my first chance to hear them perform since the school year started last August. I'm glad my parents were also able to be there. Both the combined bands and the combined choirs sounded great as they played patriotic music. We didn't stay for the whole program, just to hear the band and the choir perform.
Thanks for your prayers and support. I try to get through each day without too much nausea and pain and discomfort. I like to read and to watch educational programs on cable. I'm glad my parents are here to keep me company and drive me to appointments and play with my boys. I am always happy when the boys come home from school and come up to greet me. It is those little things that I have to look forward to, even though I am sad and frustrated with being sick.
I'm sad that I won't be up to going out with my husband for Valentine's Day, but maybe he can make it up to me another time.
Emilee
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10 comments:
It was a pleasure to meet you today at group. You are such a trooper and you have been fighting for quite a while. I find with this type of weather I feel more down than up and there you are chin up and doing your best! What a good example you are to me and the rest of the group for that matter. I am glad that you were able to make it today! Thank you for sharing with us!
Sue
Oh Emilee, I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. You are going through just so much and it tears me up to think about it. It must feel like it's just going on and on and on. I am also worried about the swelling of your liver and the edema you're experiencing. Nausea and fatigue are bad enough, but when it makes it hard to breathe then that's another thing. I am really impressed that with how you are feeling that you managed to get to your boys' musical presentations. You are a trooper for hanging in there and for fighting this for so long. I hope for an easing of your suffering. I sure love you. The Lord loves you too and he will not leave you alone.
Dearest Emilee,
Wow! That was GREAT that you were able to expell some of the negative emotions! Some people think tears are bad, but I think that tears help us ALL to wash away some of the crusty stuff that weighs us down.
Thanks for valiantly releasing the negative. Now PLEASE remember the positive, OK? Remember that balance is needed to walk the tight-rope of life. Of course, dads often have to be the ones who most concentrate on the big balancing act because when things start to fall, dads need to be there for EVERYONE to be sure that all family members don't get too injured by any collapses. I guess that's why dads often are greatly concerned about the safety nets, about the heights and lengths of each challenging situation, and about the stability of ALL family members as each is concerned about one or the other special person who is momentarily most at risk.
Again - please have NO FEAR. Your earthly Dad and your Heavenly Father LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU!
REMEMBER:"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man[or DAUGHTER], the things which God[our FATHER] hath prepared for them that love him." I Cor.2:9
Have a happy day rejoicing in your son's birthday!
Always LOVE from DAD
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
These are things you have been blessed with to endure this great trial. I know your faith is strong. I know your family is thankful for every joy you have brought to them. I know your parents are happy to be there with you.
You are in my constant prayer.
Love to you,
Rebecca
Emilee, your cousin Susan here again. Honey, have you read "The Last Lecture" by Randy Bauch? If not, by all means have someone pick that up for you. As you know, he battled pancreatic cancer and what an inspiration he has been and will continue to be through his book. I read it, and think you would get soooo much out of it. Truly he was guided by an angel to put that out there for those of us dueling with cancer!
You take care and have your folks give you a hug from us.
Susan & Lee Dalberg
Hi Emilee,
It's been far too long since I sent you a message! I've spent most of January in Texas with my daughter, Shannon, one of your former piano students...She just moved from San Antonio to Allen, TX just outside of Dallas with her husband and three children. She has been battling with something weird with her visioun and they thought it might be the start of MS, but things are looking better. Then I spent a week in the Boise area with Lori and her five children. Lori was diagnosed a few years ago with rheumatoid arthritis, but they've been able to control it so far with few flare-ups. Meli is also living with Lori and her family and pursuing her music. Meli was another of your piano students! You got her started on her musical career. She plays piano beautifully, writing some of her own music. She also plays guitar and sings and is ready to release her first CD. You can see her on myspace.com/melwadefolk. Meli isn't active in the church and is same-gender, which I never planned on as a parent, but I love her dearly, which is always the answer I get from the spirit......Just love her! As you can see, we all have our "opportunities" in mortality in many different ways. Do you remember how Bob always said, "No such thing as a problem, only an opportunity!"
I've hoped to get to visit you, but it seems each time I thought I could, you weren't up to it. I admire your beautiful attitude. I remember in 1995 as we battled Bob's cancer, he was just like you...Always looking on the bright side, even though it was so hard to not be able to talk and express himself, except with a small whiteboard, but then that even became too hard for him. How frustrating it must be to not be able to do the things you've loved doing your whole life. If I could give you any counsel, it would be to remember the Savior, that he truly does understand and know what you are going through. I sense that you have felt his love and the peace that comes in knowing of His love. You're surrounded by people who in turn love you. I don't know if your mom has ever given you the quotes I sent her, but the one given by Pres. Hinckley at Bob's funeral is one of my favorites. I pray that you will be blessed with peace and comfort, as well as all of your family. We have felt that peace for the past 13 years since Bob's passing. There are many waiting to greet you, including my dear Bob!
I love you,
Faye
Hi Emilee, I read your blogs each time you write and continue to admire your attitude on life. You say you are concerned about your water retention. I take a diruretic tablet that deals with water retention. I wondered if you could ask your doctor about these kind of tablets?
Hope you feel more comfortable soon. Hello to Bonny and Glen. as well please. Love Ruth (UK)
Dear Emilee-for some reason I was looking up "Porphyria" on the internet and I found where it mainly affects people from Northern Europe. I further read where it could cause liver tumors or maybe the appearance of liver tumors-swelling and all-also swelling of the stomach and maybe other areas. If you look up Porphyria on the internet-the one that Hit me was titled "Acute Intermittent Porphyria: Porphyrias: Merck Manual Home" It was about fourteenth down from the top. Why don't you ask the Doctors about this possibility and the homeopathic Doctors, too? I think it's worth checking out. It seems that it takes about fourty days to get it under control, if that's what it is. I Pray that You and Your Family are feeling better Emilee! My Wife had cancer twenty three years ago and I know what You are going through. She is fine now, Thank God!!! We Love You All!!! Bill Black
Dear Emilee, give your folks a hug from Stockton if they are still there. What a blessing you are to all of us who know about you and the battle you are waging in this mortal life. Your courage, your faith and your family are all an inspiration to us. May your prayers be answered and the peace you need be yours. Our love and best wishes are forever with you and your wonderful family. Anne Mullen
Emilee,
I have been noticeably absent from your blog. I apologize and I wanted to express my best wishes for you and your family. Its been difficult watching your struggles and your battle with the cancer. Its been great watching your family grow over the years and its been so amazing to see the oupouring of love and support from your family,friends,and your church family as well. We want you to know that we are praying for you that the Lord will help you decide the best course to pursue with your treatment. We hope that you may receive blessings and comfort as you go through the difficult days ahead. You are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Love Ron, Sandy and Family
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