My favorite time of day is the evening, since David is usually around and I have my pain under control and I can lie down and relax or soak in the bath. My boyw were all visiting friends or cousins until late last night, so David and I snuggled up with the dog and watched I Love Lucy.
On Saturday morning the older boys came home and my parents came over to work on projects around the house. My project was to help make a list of projects for my parents and for others to be able to help us. I took a nap in the afternoon, then my two cousins, Julie and Chrissie and their husbands brought delicious soup and sourdough bread and mint brownies from Kneaders bakery. My parents enjoyed the visit as well and I got to hold Julie's baby Anna who is 5 months old. So cute!
Last night was Little House on the Prairie for our family entertainment. All of us like to try to guess what will happen on the episode, given the music and the characters, etc. Then we have a little scripture study and go to bed. Both boys got to stay up late on Friday night, so I had to make sure they wouldn't be tired for church in the morning.
Today was church, but because of my illness, I wake up almost every morning with pain and discomfort. I have body aches and my abdomen is filling up again with fluid. It takes a half hour and a little breakfast before the pain medicine works and I feel half normal. It is most comfortable for me to lie on my side rather than on my back and it hurts when I roll over. Brenton stayed home with me this morning, as he slightly sprained his ankle last night.
After church, The hometeacher came over to administer the sacrament to Brenton and to me. After that, I started noticing that my shirt and pants were wet. At first I thought I had spilled some water on them. Then, when I went to change into new clothes, those clothes started getting wet, too. After a little investigation, I figured out that my abdominal fluid is leaking out of one of the holes they made on Thursday to drain it out. My mom helped me use medical tape and a washcloth to cover the spot on my lower abdomen where I am "leaking." We've already had to change it once. If this continues tomorrow, I should probably go to my doctor and find out what else to do.
This will be my week of research and prayer, as I decide whether to try more chemotherapy or stop conventional treatment and sign up for hospice care. Dr. Shehadeh recommends the hospice option, as he says he has nothing else to offer me, now that the cancer is resistant to every type of chemotherapy. I'll ask the opinion of another Dr. or two to make sure this is the case. If I quit chemotherapy, I will also take more of my supplements and lean toward natural methods.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Emilee
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6 comments:
It was so good to see your parents back at church today. The Spirit was very strong at church today. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of your challenges right now. Call on Him and you will be comforted as only our Heavenly Father can. Know that there are so many here for you and your family...We pray that our footsteps will be guided in the things we should do. Love, Debbie
Just a thought. Could the doctor put a catheder in your abdomen to let it drain instead of letting it get uncomfortable (my friend had one when she was suffering heart failure and it kept the fluid draining)
We'll be praying with you.
We love you!
"Little House on the Prairie" and "I Love Lucy"? I suppose they're old but better than most of the junk on TV today. I'm glad you can find something good on.
I'm glad the parents are there to help you out. Be sure to put them to work! You know Dad... give him two seconds alone and he'll be sitting around instead of working. ;-)
Stay strong and keep smiling,
Peter
OK Emilee just to warn you this will be long:)
You were on my mind all day yesterday during our lesson in Relief Society. This morning as I was remembering the lesson I thought to tell you about it since I know that you couldn’t get to yours. I thought I’d share with you some of the insights that I learned (which is probably stuff you already know). The lesson was on trials and the purpose of them. It was interesting because being the Relief Society president I have become aware of a lot of the trials that people and families in our ward are facing. Almost every person has some sort of personal heart ache to some degree or another and I was thinking of how the lesson was affecting each one. We talked about why trials are necessary. We talked about the need to have opposition in all things, we talked about trials making us humble, bringing us closer to God, making us stronger and making us more appreciative of the good in our lives. At one point a sister who has been struggling and who hasn’t been at Relief Society in a while walked out of the room in tears. Luckily one of my councilors went out after her and when this sister expressed how hard it was for her to be in Relief Society because of her struggles and her perception that she was being judged my councilor put her arm around her and invited her back in and assured her that she would sit with her during the lesson. This sister came back in and even participated. What was so interesting to me that she was so focused on her trials she wasn’t aware that people around her each had their own. She probably had no clue about the trials that the teacher who was giving the lesson struggles with. Isn’t that so like us to get wrapped up in our own problems that we are blind to others, myself included. I thought if she knew what some of the sisters around her were struggling with she would realize just how much they could help her and support her with understanding, if she let them.
The teacher gave a good analogy about trials that stood out to me. She said that she sees it as black and white. It’s harder to distinguish between gray and a little less gray but the blacker the trial or the more acutely we suffer the more white or apparent our blessings seem. She gave an example of being sick. If we have a minor cough for a couple of days and then we are better, we are glad that we are over it but it doesn’t affect us much. If we are flat in bed for a week miserable that first day we feel better we feel wonderful. We are not any healthier than normal but because we had felt so sick that health feels so much sweeter. I thought of you and your health problems and how black they must seem especially to us who watch you suffer but I’ve seen you appreciate the white blessings even during your trials.
She shared a quote from D&C 121: 7-8. At this time Joseph Smith had been in Liberty Jail for months. He suffered and suffered and was discouraged and the Lord gave him this revelation
“My son, peace be unto thy soul: thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”
Why stood out to us was that he addressed him as his son,
he told him to have peace even though he wasn’t taking his trial away
he assured him that no matter how long the trial in the grand scheme of things his afflictions would be but a small moment
all he was required to do was endure it well and then in the end he would be exalted on high and triumph.
We then talked about trials giving us the opportunity to make us bitter or make us better. To me you are an example of allowing what you are suffering to make you better. She talked about gratitude to the Lord and what blessings you have being key and I remembered again your example of being grateful for even the littlest thing from spending time with your family, to seeing whales in the ocean. I see you humbly seeking the Lords will and striving to accept whatever his will is. I see you as enduring well because you are becoming better instead of bitter, being grateful and seeking the Lords guidance. As I pray for you I pray for peace for you and your family because I think peace is the thing that helps us the most but can seem elusive as we struggle with the realities of our trials.
I just wanted to let you know I think you are wonderful and a great example to me and everyone who knows you! I think about you often and you’re in our prayers.
Love you,
Christine
I hope you laughed a little when you realized you were leaking. The good news is the fluid was draining rather than restricting your breathing again. I think that was at least a small miracle in your favor. It would be great if they could just put in a surgical drain so you could have more relief...too bad they didn't think of that when you had the proceedure done in the first place. Your poor immune system has to be completely wiped out after all the treatments you have been through...no wonder the simple puncture would not heal so easily. I guess cancer makes childbirth a cake walk!
I thought of you as I finished reading the Book of Mormon this week. How you have shown such faith in your afflictions and how very loved you are for your valliant fight.
Moroni 7:45, 48
And (Emilee) suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up (well, you are puffed up, but you are letting it out...so I go on), seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hat bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons and daughters of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.
Hi Emilee, I look forward to reading your blog - you are such an example to me. We will continue to keep you in our prayers as you decide which road to take in regards to treatment. I know that is not an easy decision. And by the way, I LOVE little house on the prairie!!
Lots of love,
Lesleigh
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